The Changing of the Seasons
by JackieWackie
Summary: Bella has had a rough year. A bad breakup, a failed suicide attempt... what else could happen to her? Well... falling in love isn't something she saw coming... that's for sure! B/J & E/B
1. Prologue, Shape My Heart, It's Yours

Prologue. Shape My Heart, it's Yours.

It was only my third week of school and I already had someone hating me. Edward Cullen hated me the second he saw me, and he told me so. That first day when I sat next to him in biology he told me.

"You disgust me." He growled at me. His eyes were pitch black and his face was contorted with anger.

I was so stunned that I didn't question him. After that day he didn't look or talk to me again. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. Why did he hate me so much? But the way he looked that day I didn't push it. I stayed as clear of him as possible. We both stayed clear of each other.

I wish I could say the same for Mike Newton. Why couldn't he have hated me the second he saw me? No. The second he saw me he fell in love… well him and every other boy at the school. I hated the attention. I'm extremely clumsy and I hate being in the spotlight.

Mike followed me around from day one. He would insist on carrying all my books, and holding open all the doors. I could tell his was trying way too hard. And because of him liking me, Jessica Stanley hated me. It was obvious she liked him and she hated it that he liked me… and not her.

Her best friend Lauren Mallory took Jessica's side, like any good friend would, and hated me also. So I made more enemies than friends.

I made it clear to Mike about our relationship, about how we were only friends, but he was persistent.

He asked me out constantly and he never gave up. Then one day he asked me to this beach party. I was going to say no, but he guilt tripped me into it. But I had to be sure none of the Cullens would be there. After Mike reassured me that they weren't, I was totally in for it.

When we got there it was only five o'clock and the sun was still shinning. We were promised a full day of sun and it seemed like we got it! I took advantage of the sun and quickly stripped down to my bathing suit. All the others followed my suit and stripped down too.

I sat with Angela, my only real friend here in Forks, and we just chatted. After about half an hour of sun bathing we were all getting a little hungry so we dug into the food. Most of it was warm from the sun, no one had thought of a cooler or ice packs, so I stuck with potato chips.

Around the same time some guys our age from the reservation we were on came to the beach. I'd come here when I was younger, when my father would go on fishing trips, and I would hang out here with the locals. La Push had some really nice beaches, as long as the sun was out.

"So, Bella, how does it feel to be hated by Edward Cullen?" Jessica asked me as Lauren chuckled at her side. She was trying to be indifferent about it. Some of the guys from the res looked at us. I glared at Jessica before answering.

"Oh, well, Jessica, I count myself lucky that one of the Cullens even know I exist!" I copied her usual tone, annoying and full of mock enthusiasm. Now it was Angela's turn to chuckle. And she did. Jessica huffed and turned her back on us. I laughed with Angela. And then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched and looked up to see a local. And man was he tall.

"Does Cullen really hate you?" He asked, bluntly I might add.

"Yes?" I said confused, though it came out like a question.

"Why?" He demanded. He removed his hand from my shoulder and sat next to me on a log.

"Um… I don't know. Because of how I look? I really don't care how the mind of a psycho works. I didn't even speak to the jerk." I said heatedly. Just thinking of the arrogant jerk made me mad!

"I hate him too. Actually his whole family." He said before standing up and going over to his friends. I rolled my eyes. Why did I need to know that?

There was one boy who sat apart from the other locals. Why was he alone? I felt a little bad for him, so I went over to him and sat next to him.

"Hey, I'm Bella." I smiled at him. He seemed to be fifteen. He had long black hair, and the most beautiful skin tone I'd ever seen.

"Hi… Jacob Black." He looked at me. I've heard his name before… but where? Then it clicked.

"Are you Billy's son?" I asked, a little excited.

"Yeah. And you're Charlie's daughter, right?" He laughed. I joined in, but in discomfort.

"Yeah… How'd you know that?"

"I've seen your pictures in his living room. He's friends with my dad."

"Ooh… That's embarrassing." I could feel my face turn bright red. I covered my face with my hands. I'm so glad I had him take those down when I moved in.

"Naw. I think you're beautiful." Jacob said softly. I felt his hands touch mine as he removed them from my face. "And it's good to see you grow up, you know, since you haven't visited for a while." He paused for a second before a large smile lit his face up. "Hey! I'll show you my school pictures someday. It'll make us even."

I laughed and he joined. It was so easy talking to him, laughing with him. I just didn't know how to respond to his compliment.

Me? Beautiful? I was more average than anything. Brown hair and brown eyes. I'm plain. But Jacob… he wasn't plain. He had the most beautiful skin that glowed. He glowed. Not just his skin, but his smile and his eyes and his soul glowed. He was definitely something special.

And I fell in love with him in that instant.

After that first meeting, we hung out with each other everyday. I would go to his house, or he'd go to mine, and we'd do homework or just hang out.

We talked about everything. About school, and friends. About how it was growing up in a big city and how it was on the reservation. Soon we knew everything about each other. It was like Jacob was my other half.

Since Jacob didn't go to the same school as me, I hung out with Angela and Mike during the week days. Though whenever I was in school I felt eyes watching me still. One pair of eyes, that is. Edward Cullens eyes. Whenever I walked into a room that he was in, his eyes never left me. Even when I would stare back, trying to show him I knew he was looking. It didn't work. He would merely stare back.

When I told Jacob about him, about how he never stopped looking at me, he seemed a little jealous and went on to tell me this story of the Cold Ones. It was some myth about vampires. I had no clue what to think about it, why would he tell me this, then he told me why.

"My ancestors were faced with the cold ones. The elders think the Cullens are the cold ones, from the legends."

"And you actually believe that stuff?" I laughed. It was so ludicrous.

"No! I don't. I just, you know, thought it was kinda weird and all. Thought you'd like to know it… or something." He smiled. I rolled my eyes and forgot all about the superstitions.

By the end of the year I had asked Jacob to the prom. He smiled and laughed, but agreed readily.

On prom night he wore a simple dress shirt and some 'fancy' pants. I blushed as I saw his 5' 11" in the pants. He always wore shorts, so I was a little fazed that he'd get dressed up for me.

He definitely didn't think he was dressed up. He felt bad for not having a tux, like everyone else, but I reassured him constantly. A tux would just look silly on him.

I also decided to go simple and just wore a green dress. I chose it just for Jacob. He loved the color green on me. He said it made my skin glow like the forest when the moon was out.

That night Jacob and I shared our first kiss.

It was perfect. We were dancing to a slow song, when he tilted my head up to him and he swooped down form his great height. When his lips touched mine, I knew that I would never be the same. I was breathless for the first couple of seconds but finally I took a breathe through my nose and kissed him back.

Then… I felt the dreaded eyes on my back. I broke away from him and looked around. And sure enough, Edward Cullen was looking, no, glaring at us from the gym wall. He was wearing a tuxedo, and would have been hansom if he wasn't so dangerous looking. I pulled my eyes from him and looked to Jacob. He was smiling like a doofus.

I pulled him to the doors and we spent the rest of the night outside.

We became exclusive two days later. It was an easy thing to do, we were already best friends, and now we could be more than that!


	2. Chapter One, Prelude to a Kiss

**Chapter One Prelude to a Kiss**

**It was the first day of my senior year. Jacob's sophomore year. Even though I was graduating this year, I didn't want to think about it. What would I do without Jacob? **

**I had a plan though. I wasn't going to go to college until Jacob graduated. My father wasn't too happy about that. In fact, he was furious. He supported Jacob and me all the way, but when it came in front of my education he hated it. He pissed and moaned about it for a long time. **

**He called Jacobs father and yelled at him for a good twenty minutes. When Jacob found out about my plan he took me aside and talked to me about it. After a long time he finally talked me into going to college. The truth was that he didn't even know if he was going to college, and he didn't want to tie me back. He didn't have the money for it. Right. And I did. I was in a sticky situation financially. **

"**Bella you're going to get scholarships, and then there are all those loans you can sign up for." Jacob said, trying to calm me down. And like always it worked. We were in his small room, all alone. Something that rarely happened in his house. His father was out fishing with my father. **

**I had just gotten out of school, and went straight to Jakes house. We planned on making love for the first time today. And that's why I was shirtless and nervous underneath him. Jacob was shirtless too, but that was more common than me being without a shirt. I'd heard a lot of stories of the first time hurting, and I wasn't that great with pain. **

"**Can't we talk about this later, Bella?" Jacob asked, sighing in a husky voice. My breath hitched in my throat before I nodded. "Good." And we got back to the love making. **

**I can't say it was perfect, because the pain had been so great, but the best part was laying with Jacob after. Cuddled and kissed gently by him. Just being with him in an intimate position. **

**When I got home later that night, I called Jacob to say goodnight, but his dad answered. He told me Jacob came down with a cold, and they think it was mono. So I wouldn't be able to see him for a while. I was afraid for him. I tried to tell Billy I'd be over in the morning to take care of him, but Billy wouldn't have it. **

**When I told Charlie he took me to the hospital where I was tested for mono too. **

**I didn't have it. Where did he get it from then, or who? **

**I was told that mono could last up to eight weeks, but I couldn't stay away form Jacob for that long, so after a week I went to his house. He was there, with some of the guys from that party last year. The ones that Jacob didn't along with. He was different. His hair was chopped off and his face was welcoming. It was angry. He was angry. **

"**Jacob." I had asked in a small voice. **

"**What?" He spat out. He was in front of his house, standing next to Sam Uley. **

"**Can we talk?" I asked. My voice was still small. I felt the tears forming behind my eyelids. Jacob had never been so cold to me before. He looked to Sam at his left, who nodded, before he walked to the trees. I had to run to follow him. **

"**Please, tell me what's going on, Jacob!" I begged. **

"**I can't tell you anything Bella." **

"**Why not Jacob? I'm your girlfriend! You're best friend. You tell me everything, so why not this?" I grabbed his arm in desperation. He shook it off. "Oh. So you joined Sam's gang and you don't need me anymore. Don't want me anymore." I started to cry. The tears flooded out like a river. **

**Jacob looked down on my with a frown. IT didn't even bother him that this was hurting me.**

"**Can't I help you? I'll do anything to help!" I sobbed, and reached for him again. He flinched away from me. My heart was breaking. **

"**Bella. Don't touch me." He growled. He started to shake. I couldn't tell why. From anger? He stomped away. **

"**Please! Jacob!" I called after him. He stopped and turned to me half way. "Are you breaking up with me?" I sobbed. My chest was heaving, and my throat was a little raw. **

"**Yes." His voice was distant. "We can't see each other anymore." He wasn't Jacob. He was like Sam. **

"**But-but Jacob! I love you and I need you." I realized I was hyperventilating. "Please." **

"**No. Just stay away from me, Bella." He yelled. **

"**Please, Jacob. Explain it to me. I want to understand why!" I fell to my knees and I clutched at my shirt. **

"**No. Don't come looking for me again." He stalked away. I barely noticed though. I was staring at my arms. How could this have happened to me? **

**It felt like my life was ending. My life was useless… I was useless.**

"**Jacob!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. He didn't even break stride. **

**I started to rain not too long after he left me there. But I couldn't move. My mind was in over drive, trying to figure out why this happened. Soon Billy came to me.**

"**I've called your father Bella." He sounded uncomfortable. He was under an umbrella, and it was hard to see his face. "Bella. It really is for the best." HE said before he turned his wheelchair around and wheeled back to the house. **

**Then Charlie was there, helping me into the cruiser. **

**~LATER THAT NIGHT~**

**About four hours after Charlie brought me home, I found myself in the bathroom, the door locked, and a razor in hand. I was still crying, and I doubted it would stop. I looked at the girl in the mirror. Her face was red and blotchy, wet from crying. Her eyes looked dead, and her mouth was set in a grimace. **

**I couldn't stand to look at her… at **_**me.**_** I ran the faucet and moved the razor to my wrist. A simple razor would fix all of my problems. I was sobbing softly and shaking as I started to cut from my wrist to the inside of my elbow. I did it agonizingly slow, torturing myself. I knew I deserved it. Finally the razor sliced through the soft muscle of my forearm. I sucked in a scream. **

**I moved to my other wrist. I was getting drowsy from the loss of blood, so my eyes were half lidded. I didn't even feel the pain as I sliced through the muscle, hitting the veins. **

**I tried to sit down, but realized I already was. When did that happen? **

**The blood was oozing from me in vast amounts. I gently rested against the side of the tub. It was slick with my blood. I closed my eyes and I felt free. **


	3. Chapter Two, The Simple matter of Things

_Chapter Two The Simple matter of Things_

_(Carlisle's POV)_

_It had been an easy day. All my patients were taken care of, and just as I was about to do some paper work in my office, my pager went off. _

_I quickly took off to the emergency room, where the paramedics were rushing a young girl in place. _

"_What happened?" I asked, snapping my gloves on. The girl had brown hair, she was extremely pale, and her wrists were a bloody mess. Blood was pouring from her. _

"_Suicide attempt. Her father found her in the bathroom. Isabella Swan." The female paramedic rattled off before leaving, letting me do my job. _

"_Get her on an I.V. drip and help me with stitching her wrists up." I said, my hands already assessing the damage. She really did some damage. She cut through so many layers of skin that I could see the muscle around her bones. She'd need internal stitches, and a lot of them. _

_It took a while, but when we finally had her stabilized we moved her to the I.C.U. And I went to talk to her father. _

_When I got to the waiting room Charlie Swan was pacing the length of the room, but when he saw me he stopped and rushed to me. _

"_Dr. Cullen! Is my girl ok?" He asked anxiously. _

"_Mr. Swan, you daughter is stable now. She has pretty nasty cuts on her forearms and wrists. We've stitched her up and placed her on an I.V. drip. It was hard to find a good vein, so we had to put it in her chest. She's in the I.C.U. right now. She's very lucky to be alive._

"_We're going to keep her for a few days." I said professionally. I could see and hear when he released his breath. _

"_Can I see her?" _

"_If you'd like, but she's not awake yet." I showed him to his daughter. When he saw her he froze before rushing to her side. He took her bandaged hand into his own and kneeled. I could smell the tears before I saw them. I quietly left. _

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

_Later that night when I was doing rounds, there was a man… no a boy standing next to Isabella's bed. I had to keep my disgust to myself when I smelled him. It was a smell I hadn't smelled in a long time. Wolf. _

_When I had walked in the boys head snapped to me. His eyes were on fire and he looked at me. He was no more than sixteen years old, but he looked to be around twenty. _

"_Can I help you?" I asked after the initial shock wore off. _

"_No. You can't help _me." He spat. He was young, no control.

"I was just wondering what you're doing here… visiting hours are over." I said unfazed by his anger.

"…" He was silent for a minute. He looked back to Isabella. "What- what happened to her?" He asked, his voice only a whisper. All anger was gone from his voice.

"I can't just give that information out to anyone. Who are you to Ms. Swan?"

"I'm her… her boyfriend." He hesitated. I raised an eyebrow. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"She tried to kill herself. Slicing her wrists. She has a hundred and fifteen stitches. I debated giving her staples. Her father has no clue why she'd do this to herself." I said reluctantly. The started to shake. His hands were fists, and his dark skin was turning slightly white, from the pressure.

"Don't lose control. Exposure." I warned. "Please leave." I said, rushing to my patient's side, not willing for her to get hurt any further.

The boy looked once more to the girl, one fleeting look and ran out.

The next couple of days she had many more visitors, but the wolf never came back. On the third day she finally awoke.

I was checking her vitals when she opened her eyes.

"Where am I?" She asked groggily. Her voice was rough. She cleared it. She squinted at the lights.

"You're at the hospital, in Forks, Washington. I'm Dr. Cullen, how are you feeling?"

Realization etched itself on her face. Her eyes watered up and tears spilled out. She moved one of her hands to cover her eyes. Her shoulders shook. I let her cry, letting her get it all out. Only when she stopped sobbing did I speak.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly.

"Because I failed." She said, miserable.

"Failed at?" I pushed. I already knew the answer.

"At killing myself." She looked at her bandaged arms. "But how? I'd lost so much blood." She shook her head in disbelief.

"Your father had found you. And yes, you did lose a lot of blood. We had to perform a couple of transfusions." I let her process this before speaking again. "You have one hundred and fifteen stitches. Not counting the internal ones." She looked to me… and laughed.

"So I did do damage?" She asked, tears of laughter pouring from her eyes.

"Yes, but it's nothing to be proud of. You did serious damage. Your father has already planned your transfer to a special hospital. Somewhere that you can get better physiological care. You'll be an inpatient there for three months… more if need be." She stopped laughing and looked at me. There was no fear or concern on her face, but there was something I couldn't place…

"Good. I need help." She said seriously. "I need to get away from Forks. I-I-I'm-" She started to cry. I finally recognized what her emotions were.

Hurt. Betrayal… and anger.

"Someone came to visit you, a couple of days ago. I didn't get his name, but he said he's your boyfriend." I said, trying to calm her down.

It didn't calm her, but it snapped her out of her daze.

"What did he look like?" She asked anxiously.

"He had short black hair, bronze skin, really tall…" A werewolf… I trailed off… leaving off the wolf part though. I was pretty sure she didn't know.

"Jacob." She said sorrowfully.

"_Is _he your boyfriend?" I asked, now concerned. I had told him her condition.

"He was." She started to cry again. "He broke up with me. That's why I… well you know." She nodded to her arms.

"Maybe I should get the psychologist in here. I'm not qualified to talk to you like this."

"No. Can you just get my father for me?" She asked, still crying.

"Of course, he's already on his way." I left her, letting her be alone.

~Bella's POV~

Just before Charlie got to the hospital they moved me to recovery. When he came into my room he paused when he saw me.

"Bella." Relief flooded his face and his shoulders relaxed. He came to my side and gingerly took my hand. "How do you feel?" He asked. I smiled softly, sadly.

"I feel good, dad." I hated to lie to him, but it was needed. He took it like a pill, and believed me.

"That's great honey, but I'm not sure you're ready to come home just yet. I'm sending you to Seattle. There is a really great in-patient program. I really think it can help you, Bella."

"But dad! I feel so much better now! I won't try anything like that ever again!" Another lie. Now that I knew that Jacob visited me, I felt a little spark of hope in my heart. Maybe he still loved me. I had to stick around and find out.

"I know you feel better, honey, now, but what about tomorrow?" He said, more strict this time around. "You're going Bella. It's what's best for you right now." His tone was final. I didn't question him again.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~THREE MONTHS~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

After being in the program for three months… I felt better. It might have had something to do with all the medication I was on. Anti-depressants. Ah. What a wonderful thing. They kept my head above water when I really was down. Of course the therapy helped. I realized through the group therapy and the one-on-one therapy that I didn't need Jacob to make me… well me. I didn't need a man to make me whole.

I still loved him to no extent, that's something nothing can change, and if he asked me to be with him again, I'd say yes without hesitation. But he hasn't been to see me, and Charlie won't talk to me about him.

To him, Jacob was the lowest thing on the planet. Far worse than any killer known. He swore that if Jacob tried to contact me in anyway, he'd hunt him down and kill him. I didn't blame Charlie for thinking this… I just couldn't.

Because… in some ways Jacob _is_ the worst thing that happened to me, but that one bad thing, that one horrible event is overshadowing all the good things.

Though I knew I didn't need to depend on him, I still felt like it was my fault for him leaving. I wasn't good enough for him. I asked too much of him.

I couldn't tell anyone about these feelings. If I did I'd be stuck here for longer. If I just kept this one little thing inside, I'd be able to leave… I am leaving.

"Bella. This is our last meeting, but I want you to know that I'll be there for you if you need me. All you have to do is call me." The therapist, Dr. Monroe, told me in her soft, relaxing voice.

"Ok. I'll call you if I need you."

"Good, good. All your belongings are packed, I presume?"

"Yup! I packed last night." I smiled, is was a little forced, but it was real… kinda. I was glad to get out of here, but a little afraid to go back.

"Great. Well, I personally called your father and told him to be here around one." She paused to look at the clock on the wall. "So he should be here soon." We both stood up. "Good luck, Bella." She hugged me gently before I left.

"Thank you, so much." I said sincerely. I went back to my room and got my two bags. Then, I waited at the front entrance for my father.

He pulled up at 1:07. He hugged me before grabbing my bags and putting them in the trunk of the cruiser.

About halfway home he talked.

"So, Bells, you ready for school?"

"Um… yeah. I'm a little behind but I think I can catch up."

"Mhm." He nodded. "I'm sure you can." We didn't talk again until we got home. He dropped my bags off in my room, and while he was leaving down the stairs he broke the news to me. "Oh, Bells, you start school tomorrow." I sighed softly. This wasn't helping with my nerves of being home.

That night I had a nightmare. Sparkling people and giant wolves. I didn't see faces or hear anything, all I noticed was that the people and the wolves were fighting. And that I was afraid for them.


	4. Chapter Two, Prt 2

_**Chapter Two prt. 2 **_

_**(Bella's POV)**_

_**By morning I was petrified, not just from the nightmare, but because of school. What will everyone do when they see me? **_

_**I drove to school slowly, stalling the inevitable. When I finally did get to school, everyone looked at me as I parked my truck. And when I got out, I could feel all eyes on me. I grimaced and walked to my homeroom. In the halls people were whispering and pointing at me. 'How much do they know?' I asked myself. **_

_**My thoughts were answered as I walked past Jessica and Lauren. They laughed at me as they made pretend to slit their wrists. I lowered my head and started to regret wearing a tee-shirt. My scars were still pink and stood out form my natural pale skin. **_

_**With my head down I couldn't see where I was going, so when I bumped into a wall, I was shocked. When I started to stumble someone caught me. I gasped at the contact. I looked up to the eyes of Edward Cullen. I was ready to flinch from the usual death glare he gives me, but his face was gentle, concerned. **_

"_**Are you ok?" He asked softly. His eyes strayed form my eyes to my scars. He released me.**_

"_**Yes. Thank you, Edward." I whispered. I moved my arms behind back. **_

"_**Good." He said, his eyes back to my face. A delicate smile on his boyish face. "Do you… I mean, would you like… would you mind if I ate lunch with you today?" **_

_**My eyes widened with disbelief. **_

"_**Why are you being so nice to me?" He hated me. Why is he being nice? **_

"_**I was wrong before… You don't disgust me. It's just that you're…" He trailed off with a shaky laugh.**_

"_**I'm what? A freak?" I whispered lifelessly. His uncomfortable laughter stopped. "No! You're not a freak. I was just… well this has never happened to me before, alright? So cut me some slack. I was… captivated by your beauty. Was confused, so I grew hostile." **_

_**Then, as if God shed some freaking light on me, it dawned on me. **_

"_**I don't date, if that's where this is going." I said lamely. **_

"…_**I just want to be… friends?" He said unsure. **_

"_**Friends? That's all right?" I asked cautiously. I couldn't stand to be hurt again. Not so soon. **_

"_**Yes! Just friends!" Edward said happily. The bell buzzed signaling first period. "So, I'll see you at lunch!" He waved to me as he hurried down the hall. A couple of people looked at me funny. **_

_**I made it to class late, but Mr. Varner didn't say anything. **_

_**The only open seat was next to Jessica Stanley. I trudged to the seat, but not before I was tripped. I fell to the ground with a thud. People started to laugh. Mr. Varner told them to be quiet as someone helped me up. **_

"_**Thanks." I mumbled before I saw who it was. **_

"_**Sure thing, cutter." Was the whispered response. I looked up to see Jessica. She was staring at my arms with disgust. I pulled my arms back and pushed past her to get to the table. I took my seat and looked at the table. My face was red hot. I pushed my arms underneath the table in embaressment. **_

_**About half way through the class a note was slid from Jessica's side of the desk to me. I didn't look at her as I opened the note and read it. **_

_**So, whats the story? Whyd you try to kill your self?**_

_I looked at Jessica, she was staring at me expectingly. So… I wrote her back._

_It's none of your business. _I flicked it back to her. A couple of moments later it was back in front of me.

**NO DENIAL!? So you did try to kill yourself?! WHY?!!!!!**

The words were written so huge, people on the next table were reading them.

"Ms. Swan, Ms. Stanley, what do you have here?" Mr. Varner was in front of our desk, taking the note from my hands. He read it silently. He didn't like what he read, because his face quickly turned red with anger. "Ms. Stanley, go to the office." Jessica didn't protest.

By lunch time everyone heard of what happened in class. Jessica had gotten a detention for disrupting class.

I didn't bother to get anything to eat. I knew I'd throw it up later. My new medication didn't suit food well. I sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria. I didn't expect Edward to join me, so it really surprised me when he pulled a chair from another table to where I was. He sat across from me.

"Hey, Bella!" He said cheerfully. "Aren't you hungry?" Obviously he was. He had pizza, chips, pasta and an apple on his tray.

"Yeah, I am, but I'm on some new meds that makes me sick. I'm saving myself from trouble later."

"You should ask my father if he could change your medicine. I'm sure he'd approve." He said, slightly faltered by my words. "But… in the mean time you should eat. You're awfully pale, and painfully skinny. Very unhealthy signs." He moved the apple towards me. "When you puke later, I'll be there to hold your hair back." He whispered and winked.

"I scoffed at him but took the apple anyway.

"Good girl." He praised me with a smile.


	5. Chapter Three, Title is too big

Chapter Three What's Love Got to Do with It?

(Bella's POV)

For the next couple of weeks Edward and I hung out in school, and even outside of school.

As the days ticked by like minutes on a clock I started to trust Edward. But that didn't stop me from thinking about Jacob.

I hadn't seen him since that night, more than five months ago. I didn't want to think that he didn't love me anymore, but if he did love me, wouldn't he want to be with me? Those are the thoughts that make me cry at night.

At school things hadn't gotten any better. People still look at me funny, and I'm pretty sure it's because of what happened, and not because I'm hanging out with Edward. None of them made fun of me anymore. After some girls tried to jump me and Edward threatened to kill them, everyone backed off. But there was always that one special day where he'd go off hiking with his family, and I'd be left alone at school.

This is when they usually jump me. I get pushed in the halls by Jessica and her crew. I was the butt of all the jokes and all the rumors. I was harassed constantly. And it just so happened that this was one of those days.

The sun was shinning, not a cloud in the whole damned sky.

I was pushed around all day, but nothing major happened until lunch. I was sitting alone, avoiding all contact, when Jess and her crew came strutting up to my table in the corner.

"Hey! Bella! Where's little Eddy now?" Lauren said in a snide voice. Their little crew sat down around me.

"Hiking." I whispered in a terse tone. It's easier if I just play along with them.

"Oh? So, are you two, like… exclusive?" Lauren asked. Jessica and Kate, the other girl in the crew, laughed softly.

"No. I… I don't date."

"Really? But I thought you dated that La Push kid? You two were pretty tight, right?" Jessica took her turn.

"We were." I choked out. My head was hurting slightly. I was torn. What the hell should I do now?

"Oh, right! He broke the fuck up with you!" That time it was Kate who spoke. "And that's why you attempted to kill yourself!" All of them laughed. I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. And then it dawned on me. Why not give them what they will never expect?

"Yeah. You're right." I raised my head and wiped my tears. "I tried to kill myself, and I would have if I cut one centimeter more. I was so freaking close! I was so close to ending my pitiful life! And I crave that feeling again!" I hissed at them. I quickly rolled up my shirt sleeves and stuck my arms out at them. "One hundred and fifteen stitches, and I used a little razor! Who would have thought it could be so fucking easy?!" Now it wasn't just their stupid group listening, it was everyone in the cafeteria.

Jessica was stupid enough to speak.

"Why even bother, Bella? Who tried to kill themselves?" She scoffed loudly at me.

"Someone who has nothing to live for." I said in a harsh whisper before I punched her in the face. It connected perfectly, right on her eye. While she was crying on the ground I turned to her friends.

"If you know what's best for you, you'll leave me and Edward alone." I growled at them. They nodded quickly, with wide eyes. I turned away form them and ran from the room. I went to my truck and skipped out on school.

I went to La Push. I needed to see him, so I went to his house and knocked on the door. His father answered.

"Bella." He said with uncertainty. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to speak with Jake." I said, trying to control the anger in my voice.

"He's not here."

"That's fine. I'll wait forever if need be… or you could call him and tell him I'm waiting here for him."

Billy looked at me for a moment before telling me he'd call him. He then invited me in before wheeling to the kitchen where the phone was located. I went to the living room and sat on the couch. I got comfy, waiting for him.

I only had to wait twenty minutes. He barged into the house with Sam and two other boys… men? The house was instantly boiling and cramped. My heart ached as I looked at Jacob. He had started to grow his hair out again, but his face still held the anger.

"What the hell are you doing here Bella?" He demanded.

"I need to talk to you Jacob." I stood up and crossed my arms. It's then that I realized my shirt sleeves were still rolled up. I wasn't sure if I wanted them, him, to see my scars.

"Bella. I told you to never come looking for me! It's not… safe." He sighed, still angry.

"Yup. You sure did. But you see, when I don't understand something I ask questions… you catching on yet?" Jacob looked at Sam. I sighed in frustration. "Don't ask him Jacob. I'm right here. I won't stop bothering you until you tell me some goddamn answers!" Sam shook his head and Jacob turned back to me.

"I can't tell you." He boomed angrily.

"Then I suggest you hide, because I'll be camping here." I plopped down on the couch again. Jacob looked at Sam again, who was looking at me. He looked disappointed. I smiled menacingly and flipped him the bird.

There was a feral growl. I looked up to see one of the boys… men?…shaking and taking a step toward me. My eyes widened in disbelief, but before anything else could happen Jacob stood between us. He was shaking too.

"That's just perfect, Jake. Don't defend your brother!" The other one yelled.

"I swear Paul! If you lay one hand on Bella I will kill you!" Jake yelled back.

"Stop it!" Sam and I yelled at the same time. Jacob looked to Sam then me. Everyone was looking at me with questioning eyes.

"If he wants to kill me, I'll let him." I said. I got off the couch again and moved around Jacob, trying not to touch him. "Take me out of my misery!" I held up my arms, just like I did at the school, letting them all see my scars. "I obviously couldn't do it myself, so maybe you can." They were all frozen, staring at me like a ghost. Jacob spun me around to him.

"You need to go home Bella. And don't come back, seriously. Don't ever come back."

"Fine. I have to go anyway. I have to meet up with Edward." I narrowed my eyes as I spoke. I knew Jacob hated the Cullens. Everyone shook, but Sam.

"Cullen? You're hanging out a Cullen? Since when?" Jacob asked, well he demanded.

"Since I got out of the crazy hut." I said flatly. "You know, you could have visited me Jacob. It is your fault I landed in that place." I poked my finger into his chest.

"My fault?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes, your fucking fault. Jake, what happened to us getting married? I wanted to have a family with you so much, but now it disgusts me just hinking about you touching me!" I screamed in his face. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "You don't have to worry about me anymore Jacob, I'll stop coming around." I turned my back on him and started to walk away.

"Bella."

"What?" I stopped walking mid-step.

"Don't hang out with the Cullens. They're not nice… people." He whispered. All anger was vacant in his voice, but there was a clear warning there.

"Jacob. I trust them. Unlike you. I don't need you. I have Edward." I pushed my way through Sam ad left.

I smiled to myself as I drove home. I think I was finally over him. For good.

Then my smile got even wider, as I remember my plans for tonight. Edward. Date. I had a real date with Edward Cullen.


	6. End Notes finished for good

This story… was written as a way of coping with a few things in my own life. I wrote it two years ago when I was on the very literal edge of sanity. I had also stopped writing it because of this edge. Writing of my experiences in life through those of characters is something I will always do, but though this story isn't done, it is for me… in the sense of that chapter of my life.

I hope any reader of this story will understand my desire to not return to that state of mind to continue on with this story. Though I've put it behind me, the rawness of that pain is something I revisit enough without this story.

And I'll be taking this moment to defend myself as a writer – though I really shouldn't. I wrote this story when I was about fifteen. I had obviously never had training in creative writing, which is why the quality of this story – and my others—are so poor. I received a recent review by an anonymous critic – which I'm guessing was hurt by a review I posted on their story—and said that I should take my own advice about my writing. I agree, and that is what I do every day of my life. I'm merely a student to writing and am still learning.

If my guess was right, and you in fact were hurt by a review I wrote to you, please, man up and send me a private message so we can talk about this. I feel bad that you took criticism I gave you as a flame, and I'd like to speak to you. I'm sure we have a lot of learn from each other.

Thank you, JackieWackie


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